Vandalism of Words
What’s this book about? Great question.
The answer is so splendidly simple. This book is about anything, everything and nothing. It is an ideal companion on a bus or train, where regular interruptions are guaranteed, as every part of this book is very, very short. Ideal also for parents of young children who get interrupted a lot by screaming, crying and toilet training. Great too for those with a limited attention span.
Another terrific attribute of this book is that it is either cheap or free. This A or B choice is yours depending on where you source this book from. If you had to choose option A, it was not my fault. It was the distributer who ripped you off.
While on this subject of price, I should point out that this book is only available for free in electronic formats. The reasoning is that no trees are destroyed in the process. No chlorine, bleach, potassium or nuclear material is dumped into the environment as a result of paper manufacturing and therefore I have a much clearer conscience. As well as that, this e-book contains the mindless meanderings of an ageing Australian male lost in the alpine paradise of Switzerland, which in itself is probably enough pollution anyway.
However, due to a number of requests, which by a number, I don’t mean a huge number by any means, I have given in to my environmental and economic highhanded attitude and ego too, and released this book in an environmentally damaging paperback. It’s still cheap though!
If you have already scanned through some of the chapter titles, you will have noticed that there is certainly no rhyme, logic or theme in this book. The reason for this is that each short utterance captures my thoughts on a singular day during one silly twelve-month period of my life. Since I wrote this book, each passing twelve months has been just as silly, but I think documenting one of them is enough.
So get ready for a wild ride, or, ask for a refund now and read no further.
What some readers said about Vandalism of Words:
“This is a Sienfeld-style stream of consciousness that covers everything from mutton to skin rashes in the nether regions from the fabric softener. I did not burst out laughing at any point but I did chuckle softly on occasion. It is a peculiar and aimless rambling of an entertaining mind. I found myself nodding in agreement; snorting in disapproval; or raising an eyebrow inquisitively wondering how we arrived at such a thought. Between pondering how often he tipped the whiskey bottle and toying with entertaining adverbs, the author drops insightful tidbits. It is an interesting and entertaining look at everything and nothing at all.”
“Vandalism of Words is a gem. Honestly, there is something in Derek’s writings for everyone. Observations on beer, food, cooking, Aussies, the Swiss, rugby, cricket, dogs and etc. And a peppering of lessons on grammar and the structure of english. If only it was taught like that at school! No hesitation in giving this read 5 STARS!!! And I haven’t even finished it yet.”
“I can’t praise this book enough. It is hysterical. After purchasing a copy, I thought it looked like the perfect read while waiting in the doctor’s office. Not only was I laughing out loud, but I ended up sharing the title and author with the person next to me, my doctor, and his nurse. Vandalism of Words is a compilation of blogs written by Haines. There’s no common sense or thread of reasonableness, which makes reading the entries mindlessly hilarious. However, there’s a surprise if you read between the lines, because it will leave you with food for thought.”
“Vandalism of Words by Derek Haines, self proclaimed Author, Songwriter, Poet and Idiot, is an entertaining journey punctuated by moments of raucous laughter. He waxes philosophical about the human condition, the quirks of the English language and the virtues of a comfortable sofa. It’s a great read.”
This book is available in ebook and paperback.