The Glothic Tales by Derek Haines

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away …

If you have always wondered why things are as they are …

Ever since that fateful decision was made to descend from the trees, stand on two legs and eat fewer bananas, humans have looked back on the decision with regret. It was at that very moment in time, when we began feeling that we were being controlled. By who, why and how is today, just as much of a mystery as it was then.

As a species, we have lived our entire existence under constant control; by lords of the manor, governments, banks, moneylenders, faceless men in strange brotherhoods and manufactures of shiny objects that go beep and keep us amused for hours on end. The one unsolvable conundrum, though, has been who controls those who control us?

The Glothic Tales attempt to answer this mystery once and for all, by detailing in three separate yet connected tales, the truth behind the truth, and the lies behind the lies. From the days of our free tree ancestors and their immediate and unfortunate enslavement, through to early beliefs of a higher authority, usually up in the sky somewhere, and then onto more organised, tyrannical and mysterious oppressors.

The insidious links between church and state, heaven and Earth, and why salmon and calendars were so important in all of this is explained in depth. There is a little travelling involved, as not all the answers were to be found on the ground. But don’t be fooled. These tales should not be viewed as works of science fiction, even though a lot of the adventures contained in them happen ‘up there’. A lot happens in a place called Rom too, which is situated firmly on the ground.

If you have always wondered why things are as they are, then get ready to discover the truth when you meet up with February, Hal and Septimity in The Glothic Tales and discover what happened a long time ago in a galaxy far far away.

Book One – February The Fifth

A young fool becomes king and quickly discovers he has some very nasty enemies. Particularly the ones who are shooting at him.
In a remarkable turn of events, a young man with a lot definitely not going for him, somehow manages to come to terms with a startling reality. He has to grow up. Being handicapped by not only having rather nasty acne and an odd eye impediment, he also has to suffer the fact that his name is February. Or at best, Feb to his very limited number of friends.

While not at all wishing to rush into this startling new reality, circumstances and a few elbow nudges from his very protective elder sister ensure that his ‘not at all wishing’ turns out to be a complete waste of time. Thrust totally and altogether unwillingly into a position of authority by early afternoon, February finds himself with a new appendage tacked on to the end his name.
The Fifth. The new and very authoritative part of his name.
Of course, as is the case in all such rapid and thrusting types of promotion to positions of power, there will be those who are not happy about it. In February’s case, however, he finds that in fact these those amount to just about everyone apart from his three sisters.

Book Two – Camera Stellata: The Adventures of Hal

Millions of years before February The Fifth, Gloth was making a nice little profit from the planet Erde, with the help of some cunning Popes and the very, very secret Star Chamber.
Being disowned by his father and booted out of his family manor in England, then transported off to the distant sun-drenched shores of Australia didn’t sound like such a bad punishment for Hal. All things considered. Sydney however, didn’t prove to be his cup of tea, but a quick move to Brisbane leads Hal to a wonderful new life full of friends, backyards, barbeques, beer, surfing, The Breakfast Creek Hotel and Narelle.
The idyllic life.
For a short time, unfortunately, as so often happens just when you think things are beautifully perfect, someone or something comes along to throw a spanner in the works. In Hal’s case, his idyllic life gets hit my a number of airborne wrenches. Then when he thinks things are about as bad as they can get, they of course, get a whole lot worse.

Book Three – Septimity

Long after HAL and February The Fifth, the Gregorian Royal Family gene pool has degenerated so badly that the next Supreme Potentate of Gloth is destined to be a boy idiot, whose father died racing him to the Palace garden. His father won the race by jumping from the Palace roof screaming, ‘I win! I win!’ just before meeting his death on a brick pathway alongside a beautiful bed of roses.
The death, however, finally provides Septimity and his six brothers the chance to enact Ichor. Planned for eons, their dream is to return a pure blood Glothian to the position of Supreme Potentate and rid Gloth of all the embarrassing Erdean monkey genes that had infected their planet for almost ever.

What Some Reviewers say:

February The Fifth by Derek Haines

This review is from: February The Fifth (Kindle)

This is the 1st book I have read written by Derek Haines and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. Derek has a great sense of comic timing in this book and captures character extremely well. The twists and turns of the plot kept me reading right up to the last page.

I look forward to reading more of Derek’s work.

Jack Eason
This review is of: The Adventures of HAL

Have you ever pondered the exact meaning of the words human and god?
Well in the whacky world of Gloth, human stands for – Hybridised Uniform Manipulation And Naturalisation, while god simply means – Glothic Oversight Detachment. What did you think it meant?

Delightfully quirky….
By Donna Carrick
Format:Kindle Edition|Amazon Verified Purchase
…insanely imaginative…intensely insightful…just plain fun.
Derek Haines employs all of his impressive writing skills in this fantastic tale of February, Supreme Potentate of the Twelve Sun System of Gloth.

I’m grateful to Amazon Kindle, which offers a platform for exciting authors like Haines to reach out to readers globally. Haines uses an elegant narrative style in this tale of February’s rise to Royalty. If you enjoy a strange and eclectic story that is both beautifully crafted and “really out there”, you will love this e-book.

This book is available in ebook and paperback.

buy on amazon

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